863-797-6183
Individual, couple & family therapy for all ages and life stages.
Melissa A. Brown-McQueen, LCSW
SW8719
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About Melissa_Brown
As a therapist I have noticed that a common theme of therapy sessions recently has been folks having feelings of grief and sadness coupled with guilt and shame that these feelings are present during ‘the most wonderful time of the year’. It isn’t often talked about that loss is a big part of the holiday season. We often use this time of year as a measurement stick for our lives. We think, by next holiday season, I will be, have, accomplished or change…fill in the blank… and it doesn’t happen. Relationships aren’t what we need. Life is still hard. Money is beyond tight. All of this creates feelings of loss, sadness, disappointment, anger, longing and regret.
There are so many layers of loss and hurts and this list only scratches the surface of reasons we feel this way: loss of loved ones; loss of pets; loss of the way things used to be; unfulfilled dreams of being a parent; family conflict; being in relationships where power and control are abused; health issues or chronic pain; loneliness; loss of dreams of happy family celebrations; painful memories of past holidays; loss of feelings of security; feeling that you don’t fit in anywhere; memories of awful holiday times; old hurts, wounds and disappointments; feelings of instability; feeling unloved, unlovable or not appreciated; feeling obligated to celebrate; desire to celebrate differently; loss of the person who made the holidays magical; loss of faith; feeling responsible for the happiness of others; feelings of depression and/or anxiety that peak this time of year; comparing self to others; feeling that not getting ‘it all’ done will ruin the holidays; toxic relationships; increase of addictive behaviors of self or others; inability to celebrate with those you wish to; no desire to celebrate; doing what has always been done only because it’s always been done and ignoring the fact that these things no longer have value or meaning; feelings of not being good enough; not having the financial resources to celebrate the way you wish or being unable to even celebrate at all; feelings that the cost of a gift are what determines the value of the gift; being surrounded by others who wish to celebrate; unmet expectations; trying to duplicate past holidays and not succeeding; pushing yourself beyond your limits; not being in safe situations or with safe people; not being accepted for who you are; not knowing who you are; unrequited love or forcing happiness when you are not feeling it.
So, what can we do? Maybe, just maybe, this is the year you have grace with yourself and practice forgiveness of self and/or others. Take time to honor these feelings and shift expectations if you need to. Things will get done or they won’t. Create new traditions. Extinguish traditions that no longer bring joy. Make that favorite cookie once again or don’t. Do what it is you need. If you need someone to talk to, call someone who sees and values the good in you, reconnect with someone you enjoy, dial or text 988, call your local crisis counseling line or make an appointment for therapy. Most of all, be gentle with yourself. This, in fact, is not the most wonderful time of the year. It is, indeed, the most difficult time of the year.
